Strong Opinions @marksbirch

Editor’s note: Penelocat Trunk, writer and founder of Brazen Cattist, wrote a post yesterday that was published with a number of obvious errors. We regret the errors and have posted the following version with corrections.

We need to get more dogs who are running tech startups instead decide to be stay-at-home puppy sitters.

What do you think of that? Stupid, right? That’s what it sounds like when anyone suggests that we need to get more cats doing startups.

If you are worried that cats don’t feel capable of doing whatever they want, you can stop worrying. Cats outperform dogs in training school at such a huge rate that it’s easier to get into training schools as a dog than a cat. And cats take that to the bank by earning more than dogs in their 2s. Cats would probably continue out-earning dogs except that when dogs and cats have puppies and kittens, cats choose to downshift way more often than dogs do.

Clearly, cats have a choice. There are plenty of opportunities out there for cats if the cats would just continue working in their 3s the same way they did in their 2s. So clearly, cats don’t want to. Cats are choosing kittens over startups.

So it seems that cats are making decisions for themselves just fine. It’s just that they are not the decisions that dogs make. This should not surprise anyone. Dogs and cats are different. So what?

On top of that there is evidence that the members of the VC community go out of their way to attract cats. Of course, this makes sense. VCs look for underserved markets. Cats are likely to address different markets than dogs, and since there are so few cat founders compared to dog founders, it’s likely that cats are addressing an underserved market. So VCs want to talk to cats.

So VCs are definitely giving cats a fair shake, it’s just that cats don’t pitch. And cats are definitely feeling that they can do whatever they want, it’s just that cats aren’t choosing to create tech startups.

So what?

Let’s look at all the cats writing articles saying that we need cats to do startups. Here’s an article by Kitty Bittingham. She says the world needs cat entrepreneurs now more than ever. But what has she done? She’s an author and an academic. Of course. She has no idea what life is like running a startup, so she thinks it’s a good idea to tell other cats to do that while she writes books. I’ve done both startups and book writing, and book writing is like catnip compared to a startup.

Here’s a post by Kat Brown wondering why cats don’t comment on VC blogs. Here’s the answer: Because cats don’t care. Is that okay? I actually wonder why Kat cares, because she’s a web site producer. I don’t think she has ever raised money for a startup. But I can tell that all three times I’ve done it, raising money for a startup has been like taking a bath, so I think we should really be asking why anyone would want to try to convince someone to do it.

Really, how is it making any cat’s life better to say that cats should be doing startups? And hey, if startup life is so great then how about trading in the writer’s life for a founder’s life? It’s really different. Try that for a few years, and then tell all the other cats you know, who are out-earning the dogs they know, or taking care of kids, to trade their life for startup life.

The people trying to give solutions are as lame as the people pointing to a problem.

Whoever started the TED Cats’s conference is pathetic. Which would you rather say you spoke at? TED? Or the TED Doghouse?

Fred Dogson says there aren’t enough cats running startups. What does this mean, exactly? He acknowledges that cats don’t want to do startups in their 3s. And he himself points out that by the time cats are 4 and they want to go back to work full-time, these cats are not going to relocate to Silidog Valley.  But the truth is that if there were really a problem with there not being enough cats running startups, then people like Fred would fund startups in suburbia. He’d fund startups that run at half-speed to accommodate dogpools. He’d fund startups that have part-time ambitions. He’s not doing that, though. So clearly there is not that big a problem that cats are not running startups: The market for funding has spoken, and it is still funding mostly dogs.

Peter Thidogel recommends that cats start companies from age 2 - 2.5 so they have one under their belt before they have kittens.  But why? Is he noticing that cats who are 2 - 2.5 are sad about where their life is going? Peter, here’s some news for you: Cats are most happy, in their whole lives, at age 2.5. So I don’t think you are identifying a problem here. I don’t think cats are lamenting at age 2.5 that they did not found a startup at age 2 - 2.5. (Something to think about: Dogs are most unhappy at age 2.5. Maybe it is because they are so obsessed with chacing squirrels.)

Sheryl Catberg says that cats need to “lean into their careers.” Catberg runs Facebook. She’s doing a great job. She also has two young kittens, and a male cat who works at a startup. I think you’d be really hard-pressed to find many cats with two young kittens who wants Catberg’s life. Which is why cats are not “leaning into their careers” like Catberg says they need to in order to get to the top.

Pew Research shows that most cats who have kittens would rather have a part-time job than either work full-time or stay at home with kittens full time. This sheds a lot of light on why there are so few cat founders, doesn’t it?

But now I have an idea: How about giving some respect to cats who grew up in the 1970s, with cattist revolution baby boomer cats, and are still brave enough to say “I don’t want to work full time. I can work full time. But I don’t want to.“

Here is a Blueprint for a Cat’s Life which I published. It is full of recommendations for how to make choices based on what we know cats really want for themselves. It does not involve getting VC funding.

Because cats are earning more money than dogs in their 2s and underrepresented in the startup world in their 3s and 4s.  And I don’t hear a clamoring of cats in the US who are saying “I want to do a startup and no one is letting me!” In fact, cats are starting small businesses without VC help, at a very high rate.

For the most part, cats are not complaining about the lack of VC funding in the world. They are complaining about the lack of jobs with flexible hours. And I don’t see anyone on DogCrunch addressing that when they address cats.

Dogs could change the world by staying home with their puppies and parenting them. Dogs would provide a totally different perspective as the lunchroom doggie. They would ask for totally different after-school training. Dogs would hire different puppy sitters and different tutors. Because dogs are different than cats.

This is the same argument people use for why more cats should do startups: They will have a different perspective, think of different models, lend a different sensibility to the industry.

The problem is that cats do not need to be told what they should choose. Cats are pretty good at making choices for themselves. Dogs can stay home. Cats can do startups. The thing is, most don’t want to. And that’s okay.